notigurldotzcom

Finally watch finish er mo zai shen bian le . Wahhhh , nice show sia .I also want a christmas tree , think getting a small one for myself this year . This also marks the end of my break and start of my preparation for sems exams le . Bye bye comp ( no worries , my hand will itch de ) .

As my name suggest , yea , a noti deed added today . Ever since I know that debarrement is over , I got lazy to go to school . Think many peole also feel the same ba . Today I am not going to school because my AGV project is DONE . A good thing I learnt is to use machine and a bad thing is I didn't do much because of my scared to spoil stuff attidue . Zzz . this friday , our AGV will dismantle so that some parts can be recycled. Weeks of our effort within mintues it will be scape metal .

Health: Tummy still feels uncomfortable , probably because I am on diet . Hahaha , weight drop again ! Diet programme is working . Val ... wait for me ! Joining you in Sentosa wearing bikini . My method is , morning eat moderate , noon , half the portion and night a few bites (or the might as well not eat portion). Probably getting obessess with dieting , got disguested when I chew onto a piece of pork(king of ribs) and I will not want to eat for the entire dinner and keep drinking soup

Think today , I will do my tutorials , revise for lab test and do a study time-table for semester exams ...

-bEl-(the gurl ROX!)

Wah ... 32nd post le ...

It really makes me wonder ... who will be reading my blog posts . I think there is some common rules about blogging , whatever in the blog must be kept in the blog , not nice to make nasty comments about the blog and be nice !

Hmmm , the wind is blowing real hard . Guess it gonna be a heavy rain . I had just copied my tutorial . Gosh ! I know I shouldn't had done it but I really don't know how to be . Its better to copy than not do right . Guess like I got to work extra hard . Dad discovered I copied , he didn't scold me at all . He trust me ba , he knows I have very high expectation of myself especially in studies .

Since yesterday , Dad been giving me driving lessons . So hard to park without all those poles . Zzz ... find those parking in circuits are useless , it doesn't apply to what we are parking in public car park . Can imagine myself , after I had obtained my license , everybody had to get out of the car to be my pole , giving me lots and lots of signal . Dad commented that my driving style is not safe , keep overturning too much . Talking about driving , miss my instructor , LU LA LA , he said I'm his kai xin guo , then who's mine ? .

My maple mei hor , add her in friendster le ... so long haven't accept ... zzz . Nice mei , just add me in msn then keep flooding me with songs . Lots of people who played maple says that its boring . I do find it boring , but because of my two meis , haha ... not bored le ...
Think going to watch er mo zai shen bian till it rains then I go to sleep ... haha ... Nono ... I not piggy , I sleep early , wake up early de (lalala,I know what you going to say about me)

Hey , people if you are reading , do put some comment oOOO ...

-bEl-(notigaldotzcom)

still can't resist the tempation to blog

Wah ... after been sick and absent for two days , realized how much stuff I missed out . Kind of panicked right now because seems are round the corner . But here am I still blogging ( need to be whacked le ) ... haha ... Good thing is , I managed to somehow finish my projects , that really completed but I at least completed like 80% of it and the rest leave it to her for edit.

Finally eating again after falling ill , neighbor's porridge was super delicious and I ate them all up . Fear of being fat , I think I will skipped dinner then . This time must really slimmed down le ... Next time go chiong den chio mah ...

Enjoy talking on msn ... probably we are the crappers ba ... We are quite open to each other about our relationship problems with our ex . He always say I will feel that way coz I got ren xing or I have human feelings . Shared about my stupid dream , maybe it is reflecting on what I want sub-consciensionly (like that spell ?) ....

Haha ... blogging halfway because mum need to clean the house ...

There's a saying " shi shang qui yao yuan de gu li shi dang wo zhan zai ni mian qian , er ni bu zhi dao wo ai ni " ( the longest distance on earth is when I am standing in front of you and you don't know I loved you ... ) And today, I find that the sweetest thing on earth is when you had passed away , the other who is living , will miss you and talk about you good . He/She will also talk about what you would do if you were are here .

That's all for now ba ... I hope everything would have a happy ending ...

-bEl-(I still love you!)

fiNally uNdestand le ...

Finally understand : I have accepted the fact that he is no longer my stead but I still feel sad , heart still ache , tears still flow ... Coz head and heart is seperated , heart needs more time to heal ... So its alright for me to cry , feel sad ...

-bEl-(enlightened)

diZ soNg kind Of link mE tO tHe pAst wIth my Ex

Fort Minor Where'd You Go Lyrics

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit,
and just be normal for a bit,
"I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing

"Where'd you go?"
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,Shit,
I find myself just fillin' my time,
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing

"Where'd you go?"
I miss you so,Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...

Thanks friends for saying :
Bel, the whole class is behind you !
You got us mah
I be there for you
Remember us wor !
Remember I am always be there for you

Thank friends , I am now " I find myself just fillin' my time, Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind, I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way" No worries , -bEl- the gal will be back again !

-bEl-(leArning to stand up again)

aNswer to why am I not eating ...

I am sick thats why I am not eating . Just seen the doctor , the tummy is bloated . Zzz , felt like a burping machine , can't help stop burpng ...

Jie , my jiu xin , delibrately not bring enough money so that I would not spend . Suay , I on the mrt station don't feel well so called jie , so heng she reaching Jurong East , so she pass me some money . So when I reach home , I still have to return to her . Didn't expect to spend my first birthday money from dad on medical fees ...(hey , I just went to see doctor , so I am patient.[so lame])

Now very stress up , after a broken relationship , got to handle sem exams and projects . She is killing me , I happen to pair up with her to do projects and she does stuff super fast , I had to speed up to do my stuff else she does my stuff for me . I don't want to be a leecher . I should grow up and learn to do stuff independently le . I got to cheng xiao chu , can't because of other stuff then cause me to move away from my original plans ...

So pai seh just now , I sit there stoned till they called my name to collect medicine . I thought I was 8023 but actually I am 8022 , then they called , Tan Ya Fen , then I was thinking , hmmm that sounds familar , then they called Tan Ya Fen , then I realised it was my name ... Then I chiong ah ....

After blogging so much , its bed time le ...

-bel-(its too late)

This song descirbes perfectly what I am feeling now ...

Have you wondered how it feels
When it‘s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just
Have to start anew
Never knowing where you‘re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now i just close my eyes and say

I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
But life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It‘s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don‘t want to live on life‘s replay
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

( those who have the mp3 please send me ... thank )

-bEl-(learning to stand up again)

sorry ... super lots of thoughts today

Finally got enlightenment from my sister . Ya , finally decide to let go le ...

If in the past , no matter how my family or friends objected it in the past . I am sure he is the one because he is also sure about me . The one who tells me how much he loves me , how much he miss me , how much things he can do for me , even I am hungry , he said he can pack food for me to my house . The one who can feel the more pain than me when I am hurt . Even the one who could cry for me when I said something negative .

Now , he has change to one that likes to chiong , add new girls profile into his friendster network . The love for me is no longer that 100 % sure le . For himself , he made drastic changes not even concerning about me . Messaging me is a chore to him and receving message from me is irritating . No longer would describe what he does to me , making me wait for him to call and only to hear him say he is tired and want to sleep .

On his people's ranking , from the first to the last ... If he won't turn his head , its pointless to wait ...

What jie said , reminds me why was I so sure about him at that time . Ya , he have changed , I should have let him go . I had already give him the greatest freedom I have gave him , just the status freedom , something I cannot give in .

I felt very hard to tell my family about my breakup , been stubborn in nature , I would only give up if I am proven wrong . Yet , they are always standing there ready to pick me up whenever I fall down . After I told them , I felt that actually I had put a baggage down and also not that sad afterall , I waited for him is merely because I don't want to break this news to them . Not like he said , my parents would be happy , just that they know their daughter has learn her lesson .

Life got to go on ... will remember him as the one I gave my many firsts to ...

-bEl-(enlighted)

zZz ... no woRRies ....

Yup ... just now I was sad . Ya , should sad a little longer till sad till sian because this is my first and serious time ba . Ya , as you said , I got ren xing ba ...
Just now was sad , badly needed a friend to explode out . Found a friend to explode really works sia . Probably he been in my shoes before ba so could understand how I felt .
Erm , last night , though its my 19th birthday . Not really happy , because was thinking lots of stuff ... Not important anymore ... Must admit , that hit was hard .
Think now , got to be single for some time ba . Heard from a friend , it take twice the time of the relationship to recover . So after diploma then start finding . Many people will asked ," You can ren not ? " . Hmmm , depends how fast I reover ba .
Reflection time : Think my ex keeps a lot of thoughts to himself , not very honest with me . Probably scared that I know le will sad but if I didn't know I will be even sadder . Couples need not always spend time together . Just let the other know that you need some time for yourself .
Kk ... the next will be the better one ...

Yea ... two of my friends are getting married ... orhhh ... when's my turn ? Zzz ... only 19 nia , thinking of marriage le ... (piak, wake up la)

Realised that there are people have interest in me but they don't dare to tell me ... Why ah ? I too fierce ah ?? Or scared I reject them . No lah , I not like that de , I will consider de ...
19 years old de 1st day , start it with deep thoughts and a little tears . The nest day will be a better day ba ...

Last night , wore a pair of new shoes , then my right foot is full of blister, think caused when I walked , the right foot was slited , sianz tomorrow how go workshop , cannot wear shoes .
Pa shook his head just now and said ," go everywhere need to carry him want meh ? " Of course lah , its pooh pooh mah . Though its from him , but I still love pooh pooh .

-bEl-(status :recovering)

22nd July ...

Got hit le ... he changed his friendster status to single , and did it on my birthday .

Spend the day with Val only , coz Mic is having runs .

No mood to blog le ... thought of blog before going back to sleep .

Its really all gone le ... gone le ...

I know this time I really lost him and there is nothing I can turn it back .

-bEl-(sadded)

21st July ...

Decides to start a new post instead of adding on to the previous post . Last night , they were actually suppose to tawn at my house . Then Patricia called and said that because it was too late so her mum didn't allow her to come over . So we all go over her house then . Then Jing's dad was very sick so Jing had to go back . Then ended up , we all went back to our own home .

At pat's house , they quickly sang a birthday song for me and I faster cut the cake , eat the cake and we all went home . Haha , manage to cut it at around 12am .

They gave me a small winnie the pooh . I think no one would expect that it is a speaker ... haha . It had a name given by Cindy , called Poohyee .

Check out my ablum ba ...

-bEl-(diNg doNg)

zZz...No time to slEEP ...

Just come back from Causeway point , because she wants to get a pair of new shoes for her presentation . But end up we both got sleepy because the of the classes in the morning . I just reached home and I realised that I don't have time to sleep because I have to go out again.
Yes , going out for my little birthday celebration . Haha ... felt like a princess because I have five days of birthday celebration and nobody is allowed to spoil them for me (Specially warned that person le).

Thur (20/07) : Actually ,celebrating at Clementi , at this Jap resturant ?? Only know that I am having Jap cusine . But we both were so full that we ended up share porridge . Haha , we were drinking sugar cane . Then this auntie said its $2.20 , then she took a second look and asked , are you a student ? Then I said ya , then she said , student $2 , next time must say you are student mah. I was puzzled , because I didn't know they have this student promotion . Then we went to Kbox to sing at from 7-10.30 , cost about $10.50 per person , cheap huh . Later then I know it was her treat . Saw san guo lian mv , got what he meant, tank action is quite big .

Fri(21/07) : Celebrating with my secondary school classmates(Hwee Jing , Cindy and Patricia) , they are coming over to my house to tawn .( last gathering at my old house ba , renovating probably next month .)

Sat(22/07) : Celebrating with Michelle and Valerie . Program will be first movie , catching pirates of cariebeean (spelling wrong is MR KELONG's fault), then dinner at Mache and talking while enjoying the view of Singapore near Espanade .

Sun(23/07) : Celebrating with my family , if my dad buys me a new phone K800i , that would be great but it will never happen because he just got me a new phone early this year .

Mon(24/07) : Its pooh pooh birthday !!! It gonna have mass birthday party ba , together with LOVE and yaya . I sae this $20 mattress at Kiddy Palace , think getting it for pooh pooh and others during Auguest(Got to save up because been spending money to doll myself up for my birthday) Yea , then pooh pooh at night can sleep with me le.

Many people thought that I am crazy , because pooh pooh is just a soft toy . But he is too big to be MISS . Haha, treat him like a real big baby , he is so cute !!! I do get heart aches if people beat or kick him . Stupid sister boyfriend made gross facts about pooh pooh , saying that cockroaches like cotton and they will crawl into pooh pooh and then few years later pooh pooh will be heavier because cockroaches are living inside them.

Its about two weeks after the breakup , zzz , weigh went up to 55kg again . Hey , I don't want it to be like this . I started eating more than usual because I was msging a friend and was feeling happy . His reply speed can killed me . Normally when people replied , the time interval will never be more than ten minutes . He will msg me probably twenty minutes later . His reason for doing so its because , he say if replied too fast will very fast nothing say . Today he gave a very lame joke , you have to be patient else you cannot see doctor .

I was asking him if he got the clothes he wanted because he asked me for advice mah, then he replied didn't find any . So I told him to get a girlfriend so that she knows what he wants and will help him buy ( Girls are shopping queen ) . His replied was you think girl friend very easy find ah , somemore he misses his ex-girlfriend . Then , I asked him to tell her lah . Haizzz , why people always wiat till they lost it then they learnt to tresure leh ?? .But he scared stress her because she is having her alvl mah . But I asked him to tell her that he misses her because say le then you have no regrets mah even thought she might reject him mah . Wah , he said that to see her once will make him very happy .

Hmmm , can see that how much he misses her ba.
Been single for the last two weeks , made me realised that there are somethings I definately gonna missed but I am gonna find better stuff than stuff that I missed . Was on my way home last tue, then this guy asked his gf , " Want bao bao not ? Huh ? Want bao bao not ? " Then I tilt my head to turn and look before I alighted the train , and I saw them hugging together .

Oh man , its so sweet . Then I realised that I can't have that for now . Then today , I saw this couple wearing couple tee . So sweet , again realised that I can't have it for now . Soon realised that many stuff couples can haveand do , I cannot have them for now le . Never mind , hopefully one day I will get better stuff than this .

Today , my original intention of going to causeway point is because of my brother . He aceepted file via bluetooth from unknown sources and his handphone keeps resetting . Saw his big card friend , made me and hwee jing wait for him for ten minutes . He was yakking away at the nokia center about him not getting his NIRC , then I made funny faces , don't get don't get lah , nxt time will get de mah . Then his another friend saw it and laugh at him and pull him away .

Today , I super happy because I saw people I like and do stuff that I liked ...

-bEl-

( diNg doNg : I am a girl who fall down and can climbed up again . Thanks friend , lending a shoulder to me when I am going through darks times , receiving a shocking news and I just laughed it away because :

Because of youI never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you...I am afraid)

Don't take anybody for granted ...

Hey Mic , if you are reading . Just wanna let you know Val updated me about your stuff . Don't take your boyfriend for granted anymore else the ending of your relationship will be like mine ... Nothing much to carry on le ...

Finally kick the habit of carry an extra bag home . Maybe just break up ba , keep dolling myself up , keep myself ready for the next challenge . Yea ! slim down much le ... from 56 kg to 54 kg le and its within a week . Hope more keep sliming down more .

Wah ... one week later I am nineteen . Haiz, older by one year old le . Glad that there is Val to celebrate with me on that day . I miss that sea view at espanade , ending my 19th birthday there ba. Haha !

Ya , now I am getting happier each day . All thanks to my friends been there for me . Thanks for all the concern . I am now changing all my picts ... its being long huh ... more to come ... keep logging in to check them out okie ...

my 20th post ...

No matter what is the pending outcome ... I lived with no regrets ... As I have give my best in it and I am not the one who called stop . So I won't feel regret because it not that I don't want , is he don't want and there is nothing I can do .

One thing to keep in mind is , actions speak louder than words . I will always be right there with my arms spread open , waiting for the day you change for the better . And all the best in whatever you do ...

Erm ... maybe life will be very normal . No super ups ... and super downs . Life less colorful ... which means more security ...

Hmmm ... I have slackened ... lazy to do tutorial le ... today summore pon lesson ... wahahaha ...
Hey ... updating my ablum very soon le ... check it out okie

stArting life anew ...

Cheers* ... manage to get through it feeling less pain this time . Starting to eat more food again ... Yup , heart still hurt a little here and there sometimes .

Sorry for all the late replies to all your smses ... hp siao siao de ... last night one shot bomb by 20 msges . In the end , I only replied to a few .

Through this I learnt that , in life you might not get back what you give . Sound kind of cruel huh ? But that is life ...

Okie ... that's all for now ... blogging to keep you people update of my critical stage now ... feeling better ... going to sleep le ... byEEEE

No longer crying anymore le ... jusz feel sad ...

Sorry people if I had worried you , had been scaring you with my post yesterday .Feeling okie now , yup , heart still feel hurt , maybe I need time to recovery ba ... hope to see myself happy again ...

-bEl- ... (status : waiting ...(for what huh ? I also dunno)

sUper dUper sad ...

I thought that it is because of NDP , me and my stead can't meet . But is not like this , is he don't want to meet . I think I m super stupid , type this post also wept . Can see how much it hurts me . Finally , the whole house is empty , room for me to wept . Quite mad at him at first , he jio his friends to play pool , and didn't inform me he book out , prob dunno how to tell me that he don't want to meet ba . Can you imagine how heart broken I was to know that he had already book out but only to know it only next day afternoon . I sent two sms to tell him what I feel and hope to get an explaination yet he claim that he was sleeping that's why he didn't called , I flared immediately telling him that it is pointless to deny his mistake and what I got was he nonchalent. I felt like I am an idot waiting for a call from someone but the someone is sleeping. He surely know that I will be waiting for his call yet he do such stuff to me. Ya, I know , I am so silly to cry over such guy ...

I really need to break up with him just that I don't have the courage to do so ... it is really over the limit ... I can't tolerate any of his nonsense anymore . Waiting for him to say breakup because I fear of regret like I said two times to him before. Think it is useless to wait for to change for the better because it seemed impossible ...

Saddest
-bel- ...(status:crying stupidly)

yeA ! eVerything back to normal ...

Hmmm ... stuff between me and him seems to be back to normal le , happy ... But for about 1 month need not meet him le because of National Day Parade reheaseral . But probably , on my birthday can meet for few hours ba . Better than nothing ba . Hey , he still remembers about my birthday , thought he busy till forgotten .

Last friday , finally finish my Life Coaching journey with seven Choa Chu Kang Sec girls , they ROX ! They give me confident to lead people , at first I was very unsure about myself . After receving a letter , I felt that I have succeded in some way or another . I am so proud of myself . Guess what , before all of us go home , we played games that we played when we were kids .
Poly life seems to be more busy than I thought , projects , test , tutorials , they come crushing on me ah ... Probably its in a faster pace , every lecture 2 hour a week and stuff are every different from secondary school ba . I find myself very good girl in school because I hardly hang out with ploy friends , probably not clicked ba . Never mind , I got Val and Mic .

Just got back my lap top , felt glad that I manage to have all the things I saved before because I have an extra drive . But now i do not have the partion drive anymore , looking for some IT people to do it for me ba . A little unhappy because some stuff in my lappy is not the same anymore .

Erm , think I shall end here le ... got to do one lab report lab ... byeeeee